Children are a blessing
I can’t argue that fact
They are the light of my life
The reason I wake up every day
My purpose in fighting
To show them the way
They bring me mountains of happiness
Make my heart sing
An eternal love song playing in the back of my mind
Keeping time with every heart beat
A perfect note of unfathomable and bottomless depth
Why then, do my greatest gifts ignite my worst fears?
When giving birth to such precious beings
Also sends me spiraling into the deepest anxiety
My stomach twisted, what have I done?
Brought these beautiful babies into this world
Without their permission
I have passed down my genetic faults
The curse of multiple generations
To haunt them for the rest of their lives
Questions, regretful worry
Poisoned the minds of my loves
Never wanting them to suffer the demons I carry
My need to self medicate
The cards are stacked against them
And I dealt them the hand
They have witnessed abuse
I have hurt those most cherished to me
Promised to never let them experience
The pain and uncertainty of fighting parents
Watching the dream for a safe family crumble
And what kind of world will be left for them?
As decades pass and the state of the earth is dire
Will they be the generation who watch it expire?
They grew up in a fenced yard
With me always on guard
Never able to be free
Predators hiding in every shadow
Will they drown in the waters?
Of melting ice caps
While already submerged in my damaging DNA
Experience nuclear war
I am overcome with terror
And conflicting emotion
Those lives I hold so dear
I pray will never have to know that fear
And despite my dysregulated mood
I wouldn’t trade motherhood
For a stable climate
Or halt to war
I cling to their love and hope
That the rest of the world will catch up
And their minds are strong and resilient
Save my children
I love you
Forgive me
(Image from Pinterest)
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Profoundly moving!
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Thank you!
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Oh my. 💖
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❤
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