I made a mistake. Fallout from damage past. The trauma endured caused me to react, fight or flee. When a man comes at me, to bully or overtake. My brain doesn’t stop to think, it is triggered. I’m unaware of the direction it will take.
Once the panic abates, heartbeat moderates, I see the mistake. Atonements are given, but not received. You are part of my history, mountains of memories, reflect your face, day after day. But you turn me away.
You are enduring oppression. As I once was. You stood by me then, and I’ll stand by you now. You know the truth, not ready to speak. Is that why you cannot let me back in? Tyranny is strong, keeps you from seeing, the misstep that you take.
Our unity tossed aside, a history you refuse to abide. Ignore all evidence from days gone by. Your memories are now gathered to prove this unusual view, however skewed. That I am broken, unworthy, suspicious, a friend to let go.
A new judgment has been adopted, inclined to recall, only information to strengthen your mistaken belief. You reject all the history, no matter how persuasive, that might discredit your current picture of your best friend forever.
I’m left grieving but not letting go. Knowing you are trapped. I’ll suffer the sadness, and assure that you know, my heart will be open, if you come knocking at my door.
The weight on my soul, might prove too strong to keep hold. Melancholia and deep misery are pulling me down. With you gone.
(Please read this exquisite article written by FAENA ALEPH on February 06, 2016 that describes the significance of the Japanese phrase, mono no aware: