I am a woman, mother, wife, friend and daughter. Most importantly, I am a fighter. Most of my life has been spent in a state of constant survival mode, and I’m winning. As a child, I learned to hide, be quiet, not to make waves. The consequences of being seen or heard were terrifying. The fury that I was subjected to left lasting scars that only became visible once I married my first husband. The fury began again. The scars began to surface. They grew uglier, bigger, they burned and hurt. I tried my best to keep them covered, thinking that my awareness of them was enough. It wasn’t. Now, as an almost 50 year old fighter, I have finally built up an armory of defenses that I can use to battle the fires that accompany those scars when they flare up. My purpose in writing about my thoughts and experiences is to not only help change the stigma of mental illness, but to also add another tool to my arsenal. Letting the words out of my brain eases the pain. I hope that those of you that read my posts will find some peace and connection. My diagnoses include Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, Generalized Anxiety Disorder, Major Depressive Disorder, Eating Disorder NOS, Self Injury, Addictive Disorder, Chronic Migraine, Rheumatoid Arthritis and Mixed Connective Tissue Disease. I share these diagnoses with intention. It is possible to fight, find peace and live a loving life.
~till I collapse